I think it’s the ego. I read Nike memoir of Knight.. lol I don’t remember correctly, Shoe Dog. He spoke that Zen masters spoke that ego is the enemy. I remember talking with my therapist, I read book by Osho, the Empty Boat. Becoming empty boat, forget self. Ego loves that you are completely alone, but you get miserable.. you need show your self and destroy self, forget your ego. My friend the father is not my enemy neither my ex-girlfriend Lolita. I am enemy of myself. Don’t take personal anything, be you. Forget self, your ego.