Okay I think how he treated me recently, I don’t need that kind treat. He treat me like a shit. I am transgender woman, just a woman nothing else.. he diminishing me, miss-gendering etc.. it’s slightly and unseeing but I feel that. He attack every my weaknesses and also somehow I didn’t realize that.. I understand now when I am not influences by him. I thought that that’s not true but that is true. He manipulating me. Destroy my former marriage to giving me cheating tips. Just like marketer do.. it’s very slight, you not realize how that influences on you.
He is very nice person too, but absolutely the poisonous person. I feel shit and fucked up now when I was my own without him. I started now reading again when I am about three days quit on him.. he try to manipulate me everyway.. my drinking problem etc.. it’s funny also because this is the battle witch I were won. I defeated that alcoholism my own.. it was very tricky war with kind a chess master, which was definitely kind a devil.. or a death.. or something very bad… It’s kind eating pussy, I try to thinking how that happens, it’s part of me. Just like if I found that my addiction rise head, I can immediately react by that.. I think I am addicted the drama with the father, because I waiting something good for him, but I need to pay for listening manipulating, diminishing.. just like my ex-girlfriend. She did same.. I get addicted to the drama. Waiting something good for paying for listening manipulating, diminishing.. but my friend do that way which is more sophisticated and I found it in delay.. I need get rid of him. .. I did similar with alcohol, I put statement in public.
If he read that someday, there is second explanation and that is I. I don’t like be manipulated of anyone or I don’t like if my brain get fucked up. I react that way, and feel very uncomfortable in my mind our relationship.. maybe I bad person but I don’t like what happened my mind when I am with you and I realized that it is not good for me. Maybe I am changed by my therapist. I am woman and I live in my world and the mirror of your world is not similar like my world. I am sorry about that. I feel shit because of you, miss-gendered me, put me down, manipulated of me.. I think I woke up now. my former girlfriend said that I am easy to manipulate,like a clown with string, which you can move she arms and legs..
Now I were read a lot of books and yeah human is kind a easy to manipulate. She brain is like a computer, if you see advertising, you get influenced by them, and yeah, you buy something what you no use, no need.. you react commands.. I am now very knowledgeable about this. 25 cognitive biases, human misjudgements.. I realized when my brain get in fast thinking.. read Kahneman, Cialdini, Munger… Your brain is sometimes in autopilot and very vulnerable of environment…
I also fall in love with that the Gypsy Girl but my friend said that she is a thief and I trust him and I realized now when I try to find her, I didn’t find her.. maybe I could buy her meal and have conversation and maybe she was potential girlfriend, I felt she was extraordinary person. Maybe this is not true but I don’t trust what my friend said.. I trust but you know, I am manipulated with this. I think she is very poor woman what she told me. Without shelter, without anything, baby in stomach, she shining, maybe she told truth to me.. but yeah, as you see, I probably lost her completely because my friend. That girl was super hot..