I found that again. now I have got the father in my life and it’s destroy it. People are like advertising machines. They influences us many ways, such like TV commercials. I was deep relationship with lesbian girl, who told me everyday how Beautiful and sexy I am. And my former girlfriends was lesbians too. It’s just heals me. Now I feel shit because people doesn’t see me as how those women saw me.. the father is a man who was always my friend, and before I started hormones. He see me different how my exes saw me. And he try to also manipulating me. Do that, do this.. I do.. because we are vulnerable with influencers.. if I listening Tai Lopez marketing, I probably buy with him, because he is very persuasive.. your brain is like a computer, you react commands so you need evaluate your self. You are like an avatar, a roleplay figure. You need visualize what you want to be, and be that person right away. And also you need figuring out what you want, and put your dreams in paper and fantasying that.. read many times your fantasies..
If you not do that, others will do. Just like my friend, the father. He is very nice and my best friend, but found that he manipulating me, it’s not good. Maybe it’s “manipulating”, and I need to tune him voice of. Listening Tai Lopez of how live a good life, read a lot.
Reading is like upgrading your brain. what you read, becomes instinctual to you. And brain is like a muscle, you need to develop a sixpack brain. Reading 10 books day it’s super cool. You will change completely. My friend the father try to stop this, and also try to stop my training.. also try to saying what I should do.. he is sometimes very toxic.. I was yesterday at bar. I think I went there because my friend. He use repetition, say go bar.. you know, call the action.. also he put me down, and diminish my drinking problem. I found yesterday myself in situation where I have only solution to withdraw myself to people around me. There is woman who invited me for her folks, and they was heavy drinkers. My friend talked to go bar. And I found he is envy that I am sober and try to put me drink… It’s very faint.. but something like you not have got problem because there is people who drink more.. but you don’t need to compare you to others. I was HC drinker. But I am not anymore, I am sober sporty woman. I think that I am when I started my fight with alcohol, and I become that, the sober sporty woman. Now I try to develop, I am billionaire woman who has got money and women. Something like that.. I see myself that I am very rich, wealthy woman.
Don’t let people ruin you. I need fight those assholes out my life. I was much better without the father.
And now someone hit my shoulder yesterday and I think it’s all about that I contacted to him, the father. I become like him and I listening him.. if I not take a contact to him I feel better. I am more who I am. I think it’s an opportunity cost, trade off.. I feel confident little bit that he is my life but him influencing is too much.. I think that I wasn’t went to the bar if I haven’t take contact from him. It’s my fault..
Being like an old man, your know. It’s shitty to feel that way. I am just an old fart. I think that I was surrounded myself with an old man. People learn mimicking eachother and this is almost automatic.. if I go my kinky meetings, and those people are highly sexual, I become like those. It’s a good thing to boost your sexual stamina, and put in your brain true players, so this will gives you opportunities.. I think that my friend it’s more open, exovert person, more social etc.. he also really helps me to get out my dreamworld.. but I am more dreamer and more introverted like him. So I also fucked up if I am too social. I need my own space.
But now that shoulder and near drink experience.. go bar, go bar.. it’s kind manipulating to saying so.. but I made my lasted decision to listening super horny woman at my dating site.. let’s say she is the Northern Girl.. maybe shorter like the North.. the Fire.. she is the Fire.. she just injected mental pussy juice in my veins and I wanted pussy so hard.. lol, inside my there is my friend the father, the old guy.. I was like an old fart who watching younger women. Someone put thumbs up that I watching two Latina babes kissing with themselves.. I looking for younger women asses and I girls said what that old fart watching my ass.. lol.. I don’t know.. maybe it’s good that the father is in my life, maybe my life was not good without him.. I think.. everything cool stuff just disappeared when I was my own.. this was super fun also. Maybe I should be grateful that I have this kind friend. But I need also my own world too.. my inner world..