Living in a dream

I miss my ex-wife, I want her back. I was so happy with her, but our relationship was very stormy too.

I also dreaming that I become a billionaire. I also dreaming being a poker pro, writer.. but I am writer because I write alot. Finnish businessman won hand what we played, and he also lost when he played with me, I didn’t understand who he was. Lot of poker pros play so little game what I play. Charles Bukowski said many writers are gamblers, Bukowski played horses, Dostoevsky played roulette, also poker.. I play poker, sometimes I made bet on sports. I understand how Bukowski described what playing is for writer, it’s like a battleground where you can die. Something like that, maybe I am not remember correctly.. My other gambling, horses which are not but I try to become billionaire. You should aim high enough, also understand where you’re..

I played very well before I was married, also when I was married, very good. Now I am average and also in chess I am also average. But I saw how real poker pro played, you not always need any cards.. I know that too.. There is odds for if you bluff, like 50% someone throve her hands away. But you should be very intelligent also if you want be poker pro, or Grandmaster of chess. I play better game if I am drunk or doing something else avoiding emotions. That businessman was well-known, celebrity. Maybe I get too excited. It’s better when you don’t have any kind emotions about game. You can be thrilled but sometimes if you get too sensitive, it interrupt your game. Life is also like a game sometimes, like a poker tournament..

My friend also said that I living kind an illusion.. I should do what I can, not trying to chasing my dreams. I am quite piss off too.. maybe he is right. I don’t know..

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