The father is bad for me. Like a booze. I feel shit again. I am woman. I am not a man. How my friend could make my doubt myself. My ex-wife doesn’t understand my fear to go women toilet.. my ex-girlfriend said she doesn’t love man and I was her the first love. My ex-wife was lesbian, my ex-girlfriend was lesbian.. my fuck buddy who started to felt love for me was true lesbian. Nobody not make me doubt myself.. I am not sure but I feel that my friend is who, who try to manipulate me because I am very easy to manipulate. I need meditate, command my elefant, my ape, my animal. It needs to that you should talk her nice things. It also takes everything true what she hear, so if my friend continue saying that I am man, I need cut him off. I felt better than I wasn’t influenced by him. I felt lonely and I thought it’s good to speak with him but it was mistake. I laughed and I felt joy when I speak with him but I get those little punch to me. I don’t know why it happens. But I started to feel bad for me and I don’t like that.

I think also that I take everything in personal, and I need get rid of it. One way is to think you were weared in big condom over on you. Words stop it and drop. I need unpersonified them. Laughed my reaction than I get what a fuck feeling.. and ask it was really insult? Also I don’t ever know what someone really mean if I don’t ask, if I assume, this is only assume.

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