Couple of books

Read this one: The One Minute Manager. Your should read Simon Sinek, Leaders Eat Last. Because the first one. Your need be your own boss, and write down what you have to do, your goals. Daily and weekly, monthly, yearly and also vision too. Human are like animals, so they doesn’t know what to do if you doesn’t command them. You need command yourself. Putting down day before what your do tomorrow or someone else do that.

And that second one, Sinek book. There’s takeaway is chemical touch of human-beings. I contacted yesterday my ex-girlfriend which is probably narcissistic personality somehow, very difficult. She causes me a lot of stress, I felt shitty. And my parents also is very poisonous people too. I felt super stressed. Is it like a poison in your vein. Your feel shit, it’s kills you too. I read also Lieberman The Social book also which tells specific, how mental abuse hurts like physical pain. It’s same process, same chemicals activities, same synapses just activated when someone abuse you mentally or physically. What’s comes from Sinek’s book, there is environment which you feel good and not stressed and you function well. Your know, he speaks more work environment but it’s fits also any environments too, like families or being with abusive girlfriend. Them are like chemical liquids or soups etc, if you got wrong ingredients in your soup, your soup will be uneatable; in chemical liquid analogy, your liquid is poisonous. Stress hormones literally kills you. I need avoid my ex-girlfriend, Lolita and my stepfather and maybe whole my family because it’s very unhealthy environment for me. If you think I am crazy, they made me mentally ill. I get major depression, I get social anxiety, social phobia. I learned hating myself.. I tried kill myself many times, I turned very suicidal.

My stepfather is bully and my mother is who watching side. Now she put that super abusive stepfather in my neck. And she betrayed me as what she did when I was children. Let abusive stepfather do harm for me. And not ever be with my side. They are monsters. And humans too but they are not good for me. I don’t wanna be bullied anymore.. I don’t want abuse anymore, it’s done know. I learned by Tai Lopez, that poisonous people are like cancer, you need cut them out. I felt shitty when I texted my ex-girlfriend. I felt super stressed when my mother put that monster stepfather to my life. She showed me who she is, she is monster too. And I also felt my brother my stepfather injection, so he felt poisonous too.. I don’t wanna be in that kind poisonous environment, or eating soup which is terrible. And my mother said, she did good for me to putting that monster against me. I don’t have family anymore, I need find my own family. And what I learned by law of attraction, I was also attracted by very poisonous people. My friend was manipulator who manipulated me.. Maybe my mother is manipulator too. Like book the Night, Eliel Wiesel. I am not sure remember I correct that name but he was holocaust survivor and my family is similar. I felt terrible pain when my mother pulled that stepfather to my life again. I cutted everything off now. And my ex-girlfriend, Lolita also used little bit similar techniques like my mother, diminishing me, like, “You are mentally ill…”. Pitying me..

Lolita The narcistic

I made it now. I am not sure. I contacted her, my ex-girlfriend. I think she is a narcistic. My step-father is. Them have lots of similarities. I just feel warm and my feelings about her and those memories. She was everything what I want. Young, super hot. But yeah there is now another girl who just feel very good. I think I get similar effect when I found that Lolita. I fight back to chains which started to open completely. I just live my past, just happened when I found Lolita.

The new girl is taller than me. She felt just like injection in my veins when I spoke with her. I get bias, and I contacted Lolita. I think I said goodbye that way to her. I lived my past relationships just like I felt when I contacted from my ex-wife, when I felt love in Lolita.

Lolita is maybe narcistic or ego-centric teenage girl. She was 17 when we met at first. 18 she becomes when we dating. I felt that she has got similarities which are typical of narcissistic personality. I felt that I become like her slave. I felt shitty step by step. But I denied everything and I felt how I love her and get addicted from drama. But her age.. so young, so hot. But poisonous… I felt that I drowning and she just pull me to her superiority.. I just worshipped and getting mad. Just like Lolita book but this was my fantasy regarnation, young hot woman, who mess my brain. And she suggested that I need take contact from therapist that I told my feelings. But those was more goodbyes.. Tall girl is also younger than me. Not too much. Kind Lolita too.. maybe Redhead.. very cute, very beautiful. I don’t know.. Rose-Pussy.. she was poly and I am not, but she promised that I can lick everyone’s pussies and lot of pussyjuice.. I don’t know what a fuck.. but living together with too women. Younger.. I am confused. Lolita was similar too.. but she degraded me.. now Redhead seems to be very good. I felt instant, she is my new girl friend if I want.. very potential. Little bit similar feel what I felt with Lolita. Okay I felt instant chemistry with Rose-Pussy. I am confused..

Lolita is very bad girl. Young and super hot. Rose-Pussys mind is very erotic. And what becomes Redhead, I can’t say, she read my sexists text and that seems to be okay.. She is also very hot. Girly girl.. I love idea of Lolita, younger woman with lollipops. Redhead is super cute. Maybe very erotic too..

Mobile writings

Yeah. This is test with my android phone. I accidentally dropped a coffee cup on my laptop and it’s now impossible to use that machine. Do not ever ever drink coffee and etc near your laptop.. She is now gone. My ThinkPad. Maybe I can use mouse and keyboard system. But keyboard living own life.. And you know, I am poor as a shit. Back to the stone age.

I need order also 5 books on Amazon. Them are about 200 hundred bucks. But I get 10x and I understand the language of money more and what is that money is… It’s super important to start to understand what is money really is. So read. But I need spare more money and fix my castle when I get my car. And when it is okay then I can order those books. At now my money protects me, they are ready to fight. So when thread is gone, they will come back in the castle and their position of my defense. And I need wait when I get more money and with those money which are ready to educate me. Every penny has got their place. Those who is now available are my protectors. My car is now preparing at car repairs so they fix it back to the track and everything goes in the guarantee service because they make mistakes at first.. And I learn valuable lesson, always know your “enemy”. I didn’t know what was catalytic converter in car at first and that was a mistake. I studied it and found that they put in a catalytic converter which was not good. My former catalytic converter was better than the new one.. I found that when catalytic converter was doing reducing carbon monoxide and hydrogen carbons to making them as a carbon dioxide and an oxygen. And also I studied about what is lambda value of car exchauting systems. It is gasoline/air(oxygen) mixture value. So if lambda is over one then there is a leak in exchauting systems and if under then there is problem with catalytic converter because too much gasoline in the air, hydrogen carbons..

Oh no

I sitting on my couch and thinking my life. My gynecologist write those anti-androgens and those aren’t working on my body, I get serious side-effects which causes joint-crackling and I not just in a week cannot move anywhere, just lying on bed and moving very little in my house. I felt terrible. And I feel little bit pain in my lover side. Maybe a liver. I scare that my appearance went gone. Those drugs feminize me, so these aren’t working, so it also bad thing, but my condition drops down, and I feel sick and terrible is also very bad thing. I hope those side-effects go a way and I can go my ninja-training and also muscle training, cos you need muscles too if you are woman too. You get harder to kill. Them protects you from cancer and you recover anything if you have some muscle mass.

I feel very weak. I hope I get better soon.

Is love poison?

Maybe it is. It’s wheel so. You taste it and it start to effect inside your veins. There is a song, Alice Cooper – Poison . You cannot stop when you get that poison. It will takes all of you, and you can do anything than let that poison take your everything. You try to fight against it, but it will buried you to taking deeper grip on you. You feel it in your heart. You try to hide it, but it is in your veins. You cannot escape it. Only what you can do it surrender, but you try to resist. It is game over, you cannot win. Love is the winner.

I think I feel something like that when I met person recently at online. I try to escape, but something feel so irresistible than I feeling something going on in my veins and I cannot stop what happening. I am used to be alone so I don’t wanna drink that poison anymore, but I played with fire and I feel little bury in my veins and it’s just go deeper in my veins. Like I can’t escape.

Hard to say. But now I don’t want fall in love anymore because it would be so painful too, I resist, and I feel that why I taste it. My former relationships was tricky so you know, I rather don’t want something anymore but that sweet thing moving in my veins. Maybe it is not love or maybe is, but I think it feels also frightening when you don’t want fall in love but it feel so good so you cannot escape than let it takes you..

When I realized my former relationship that I am in love, it was too late..

Can I find someone who has genuinely helped by Tai Lopez courses?

Yeah, I would say so. It is “new” way thinking how you educated yourself. I get help every courses what I purchased, I get knowledge. I did love the 67 steps most. I would recommended start with that if you consider to start your education with Tai Lopez courses. I don’t say you get rich quick but you learn a lot. And if you are lucky one and you could find something which resonate you most. I think now the true education is not what you get in the school, it’s something you get little bit wiser everyday and getting better, especially things which where you are good already. I am not sad anymore that I dropped out university and it’s not makes me loser or failure, I have lot of knowledge which I can combine together. I think you can get most if you get the 67 steps and then try to find something which resonates the most what he offers.. I think what Tai Lopez say, you need become the learning machine. And also Warren Buffet said; “The more you learn the more you earn.”. I am not own anything for him business or something and I am just a person who purchased him program and I just fall in love “new” way thinking what really is the education. “New” cos there is no schools at stone-age and we live now like in the stone-age cos we have lot of opportunities to find for example Tai Lopez and learn from him, person who knows how to make money and why not ask him “how?”.

Hormones makes me sick

I feel very weak and my joints are crackling like when I used a finasteride and now used a dutasteride. I don’t want be a bold woman – a bold trans-woman. Like a clown.. But.. Dutasteride makes same symptoms like a finasteride. I feel very weak like a fragile class-vase. And maybe I need talk with her, and I get double amount of estrogen, maybe in accident cos I told I use 4mg and there is 8mg. And also I get Androcur (cyproterone acetate) and I don’t know what to do because I feel myself very weak and fragile. I will go that 4mg, 2mg twice and make a conversation with my gynecologist when she came back to work.

I getting upset that my doctor suggest that she will reduce my hormones and I told this my new doctor, who is a gynecologist. She gave me recipes from those DHT-blocker and anti-androgen. Dutasteride is a DHT-blocker, which prevent baldness and that male-patterned baldness. Anti-androgen boost estrogen effectiveness, so I get more feminine and I feel good about that, but my strength is now gone and I am fragile as a class-vase. I have got when I divorced two relationships with lesbians, one of them said that she date only beautiful women. She made me feel like a princess also.. And she was a tomboy lesbian, a butch. And my former ex-girl-friend was also lesbian, 18-years old and I was her first true love.. And she cry when I left her and she said, she never fall in love male.. So I don’t know. Maybe I scare of that twenty years old Rose-Pussy who crushed on my boobs and my body.. I wasn’t reveals my face to her cos I am not sure about her. She makes me feel sexy and talk a lot of her pussy how juicy it is..

I feel now very weak and I need stop taking those pills and speak-up with my gynecologist at first. 2mg+2mg estrogen is very good, but now I need wait when that dutasteride is gone my body. Also I need stop taking cyproterone acetate cos I want back normal state of my body. I want go out and do sport. I am like Lara Croft but now those pills dropped me out off game. I need wait.. And that Dave Asprey, The Bulletproof Diet is very good book, and I love concept of that your body is a chemistry laboratory, which is indeed is. I put chemicals called a dutaseride and cyproterone acetate and those effects on me very quick and also double of estrogen. I am prettier now but I feel that I lost my strength and I become very weak that I cannot do nothing. The Opportunity Cost also.. Or a cost or a price. You get feminine but you lost your physical condition and you cannot do nothing than just lye down.. So I can’t eat those.. I feel also sad..

I getting insane

I openend Tai’s email and it hits like message from Rose-Pussy. Which both makes feel urgency.. I want Tai’s program but I don’t have money.. Rose-Pussy talk her Pussy and how juicy it is.. I feel sick.. I want both, money, pussy.. and my car back to the road.. So sick feeling approach with urgency to push the yes-button.. But it is a risk. Maybe it helps me or not.

Thinking

I just listening an audio-book of The Bulletproof Diet of Dave Asprey. It’s worth of reading and makes you think what you eat. And I thought also what my former doctor said by my hormones, that I should reduce, which was very bad to said so. I remember that, she said, “You will take a risk?”. There is side-effects but what I benefits I get, those influences very positive way of my life. Makes me feel good in my body and those hormones also signals to my brain, that now everything is just perfect in your system. I was also that surgery which they modified my pussy, now I feel I am completely a woman, specially when I get aroused I feel my clit and my pussy feels different when they operated at the first time. I feel good in my body maybe first time of my life, it is very nice feeling. My new doctor, my gynecologist writes me new prescriptions of anti-androgens and DHT-blockers which feminizes me more and helps estrogens to go my body-parts, like prevent hair-loss, increase hair growth. reduce hair-productions of my body. Makes my faces more feminizes, and which is a huge social thing and crucial for every transgender-woman to feel accepted fully who you are. Okay, I think I am very aware what I look a like, like a typical woman. I care that I look like a woman, and people see me as a woman. It’s makes me alive and gives me a strength to be who I am. It is very frustrating to explain your sex, that you are a woman too if you are in women’s bathroom etc. So I am now very grateful that I have contact for gynecologist who is my side, not against me. It feels often that whole world is against to me, and I need to fight to everyday, and it is very heavy thing to do.

Yeah I feel now how hard is to be human who is hated to be what you are. It is very hard and anybody doesn’t wheel so what I felt. My therapist made my mind place which is place which demonstrate a good childhood, and kind a place where I am fully accepted just who I am, and my subconscious mind want that I feel with people who I surrounded that I am fully accepted who I am. My former friend was poisonous person, and I didn’t feel accepted fully who I am. I don’t want be surrounded people who not accept me just who I am, or at least makes my existent funny thing. “Man, oh, sorry woman…”. Or I need to “beg” that he accept me fully who I am. I started to felt that is not true being with him, and it influences everything of my life, like I not accepted of my self. Also he was very manipulative and use manipulate tricks for me. Some was okay, but there is a lot which was not okay, and makes me act like a robot. Just what Tai’s advertises do, they influences in my decision center and make me act against my will. Every advertise does, also music, also people around you have got influence of you. And yeah, Cialdini book called Influence; influence the psychology of persuasion tells those mind trickers and also you can find those in The Poor Charlie’s Almanack too.. Maybe if I remember correct also Mankiw’s Principles of Economics tells that people reacts “something”. But I need to get that book when I get my car first on the road and start to recovery of lost of my army.. My money.. I need them to protect me, just what you do in chess, your the most important piece is a king, so you must first make that your king is safe. And if you play poker with short stack, you need be extra careful how you play with those chips. You can’t go all-in bad cards which had got bad odds, or your not sure win or lose game which where you are involved. Like Sun Tzu said, you must know yourself and your enemy before you can be confident to start to battle. You win most of time when you know yourself and your enemy. Just what happened when I beat the alcoholism, the enemy was that alcoholism, I study everything how I will beat that enemy, and also I study my weakest point.. Now is also what Sun Tzu speak, that great victory is won battles without fight.

Rose-Pussy told where she live. I decide yesterday that I need escape for her, she feels that I getting so horny and starting to lose my sight to my “ball-game”.. You know keep eye on the ball.. There is now two balls, two rabbits.. Confucious said: “The man who chases two rabbits, catches neither”. He said also this gem too: “Respect yourself and others will respect you.”  … So avoid poisonous people and if Rose-Pussy loves me, I think it might not interrupt of my game, maybe help me. And I try also to avoid to falling in love, but I feel also I have Amor arrow in my chest, and that sweet “poison” moving in my veins.. So here is gem for you, let beautiful people polluted your soul, your inner-self, and feel them poison, or “poison” in your veins.. They will nourish of you..

This is very beautiful quote of Confucious: “Give a bowl of rice to a man and you will feed him for a day. Teach him how to grow his own rice and you will save his life.” . This is what Tai Lopez do and I try to the same. And you need to do the same too… Teach what I know, someone who needs to help. I do not understand how money works, Tai does, so listening him. And also I need listen people like Mankiw, Munger..

And more Confucious: “By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” .. and more “The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large.” And this is too the great one: “Your life is what your thoughts make it.”. This is also the great one: “The man who says he can, and the man who says he can not… Are both correct.”

Life philosophy

In antique Greek there is two philosophical way to live your life an epicurean and a stoic. An epicurean is basically you live at once, life is chasing maximal pleasure and thinking you would die tomorrow. I myself lived that way and it leads me to drinking, focusing to women.. I get unfocused by poker when I met my ex-wife. She captures all my attention and she become center of my universe. And I really live just way how you need live at epicurean way, just enjoy at moment. It is not bad life at all, but everything what you do is a price. And book what I desire now, is Mankiw’s Principles of Economics. Tai referents Mankiw’s book and take there a principle called an opportunity cost. Every opportunities what you have is some-kind cost; if I now thinking Rose-Pussy, if I “buy” her what that will cost for me… Being with ex-wife it cost me my poker career. It was not her fault, I just fall in love for her. And I learn a lot how to eat pussy, and I also read lot of books of sexology and I become self-educated sexologist who knows a lot how to please woman. And this skill is very good and my ex-girl-friend wanted to see me again cos I what I did felt so good. But at now, that Rose-Pussy is in the next level of everything what I know about sex, she would be very good teacher for me if I let her to come in my life. But I am now very poor and it cracks me literally, lack of money kills me. I think I need but my focus full of how to get money and how I get out that poverty Now I feel shit about my car, it cost 1,5k and I don’t have money to buy Tai’s program. I can’t say yes for everything now when I am a poor. If I say no for car, it cost me that I don’t have leverage to handling my things. My gynecologist is another city.. and I need proper treat for my sex-hormones which I not get in public healthcare, they wanted that my hormones need reduce. Those hormones makes me look like woman, so them are very crucial for me. There is so many opportunities.. I don’t literally trust that Tai’s program instantly helped me to get out my situation, but I know people get benefits him programs. But it is not easy, but simple. And a simple is not an easy, it cost you that you need test that and try to learn the new skill and see work that new skill for you. Him the 67 steps helped me a lot, also him products like smma2.0 helped too, but you need take steps, and you need be like a sculpture-builder, just knock piece by piece, and it feels like a giant leap to jump direct to the game which I cannot play. But I know how that game works at now and I can give my word that works.

But yeah, I think if I speak more pro-athlete, poker-player, chess-player approach that using Greek philosophy, epicurean and stoic. If you think like a pro-athlete, you have the goal to win the Olympic gold medal. That is your the end-game and your final table. This is where you go. And my goal is get out the poverty. I don’t have afford to lose that focus. Like my father said when we played tennis or badminton, “keep eye on the ball”. If I start to looking around of myself I lose the game or I give a point for my opponent which is now the poverty. My game is beat the poverty. I need to focus on my game, not girls… Munger said his book, Poor Charlie’s Almanack, Seirens.. Bad girls.. Which draw you under the sea.. My ex-wife causes that I lost my game of poker career. But she made me very good at sex. Yeah, but Tai also teached me “and”- and “or”-mentality. But I focused 95% for my ex-wife and 5% poker or much more lesser.. I literally stopped to play poker and I having sex and good-time with my ex-wife. You know time is money too and I spend it for her. I try to play when we divorced, and I didn’t play very well. It was frustrating and I have no motivation to play poker because I was super good before I met my ex-wife. I was semi-pro and I was capable to challenge everyone. There is a book called Bounce which cracks the myth of talent, there is no such thing as a talent, only practice matters. You can become everything what you want if you put time and effort on it. There example of father who tested him girls how practice makes master, he teach every him girls play chess and everyone of his girls becomes world-class-chess-players. They focused fully of playing chess, and practice everyday and they become pros. The focus is crucial. Keeping eye on the ball.