Being in marginal

I just check my bank account and I saw very disappointment thing, that I have 7 euros. Five bucks on my bank account, and I live in alone without save nets. Today is kind carnival day in Finland, The Labor Day. Lot of free girls which are recently finished their schools and day when people celebrate and I don’t have money to go out. I really needed some freshness but poor as a shit and also a marginal person, a transgender woman; post-op but you know, I feel shit.


You need build your strengness not your weakness, so I am really ready to hire someone to help me. I don’t understand cars, but I like drive. So it’s logical to hire someone to help me. I am bad in social media and I would love to find someone to help me. I need help. If you wanna help me, choose something what you love and make it site on your social media and let people know your favorite thing. If you are mom, help people to get baby my afflient-baby link. Share your heart from world. And my visions too if you think it is worth to fight against poverty?

Values and strengths

You need built-up your strengths . I value freedom, women, sex, love, happiness.. I found that when I write with that Pillow Princess , I spend money on her. And now I try to reach-up the second one and I am almost ready buy gasoline to go where is the hot woman is and that juicy pussy is too. I love eating pussy and I value it very high. It is my niche, if we use business language. When I speak other interest with women, they not get interest me, but when I speak eating pussy with passion, they get attracted to me. And when I speak things like my other stuff, that I am transgender, poor, former addict and etc shitty thing I not get response. But when I focus the pussy, I have got the customer. Maybe I need to make a business with the Pussy. I adore, worshiped and I wanna eat Pussy for hours. I just wanna know everything for your Pussy. It is my religion. My God, the Pussy.

I also get super focused if I know if I will get the Pussy, I wanna learn everything about that how I can make that girl feel great, I just wanna worship her, and her Pussy. I was read about 10k pages of hc-sexology stuff and it happens almost when I found a girl who want to give me her Pussy and want me to worship her. I don’t wanna share my knowledge for free. But there is lot of common what comes from business and for women. Put woman always first, she is the Queen… I don’t wanna share just now and for free, but read a lot. And maybe will in the future make a package for you for decent price. You can ask me. But I was tested what I do, and it really works. I write little bit somewhere in the internet and people just get amazed and their suggest that what I share was something which need to be in How to Treat Woman in Sexual Way – book. I like writing but I need help with writing book, I don’t how to write that. But I can make you offer if you like learn more. I value time so if you want my time, it will cost, but yeah, I have got very valuable stuff on my head, it helped me a lot. My former girl friend falls in love with me when I lick her, she told me so.. And my ex-wife found difference when she broke-up. My ex-wife was my teacher and was my inspiration to learn thousands page of sexology. And my tongue is quite muscular too. She was my teacher. My vision. My experiment-environment. Over five years eating pussy all-day long. I learned a lot. But this is something gold what I own. I shared a bit some forum for free and I little bit regret, but it was a pilot, a snack, a sample and people just react like what a fuck?!

Waiting for her

I think it’s time to say good bye to her. She doesn’t like me because my phone doesn’t ring and I don’t get messages from her. I think I did all what I need to do. Okay, here is inproper way too, but she could take me a contact many ways so I don’t wanna go to seek her in IRL, you know driving car in the neighborhood try to spot her. But I don’t know where she live and she just disappear so it’s an option too, and a silent way to say, no thank you. You know women. Their are mysteries, they can change their mind and you can do nothing.

I have you some golden nuggets, listen this old recording from YouTube. And I thinking about my gender issues and people around me and I found that I don’t have any kind people who can really support me. I make tetox of some poisonous people in my life and my brain improved. I see myself more woman than ever. And I no need to please everyone and seek a prove of others. I have a lot, but it becomes a habit if your are not love yourself. You need become your own lover and treat you in best way as possible. This was hard to me, and but you can set in your brain, mind-sets, love yourself, your are enough. I read a book by Elie Wiesel, book called, Night. It tells story of life on consentration-camp in Nazi-German. Hard-core racism. My life it is little bit similar, because my amygdala activate with my thoughs which are unrealistic. I think it is because I have childhood trauma too and also those toxic people are reason too. I was on lesbian party last summer without my hair, I was a bold girl. And I said one girl that, I scare that will they let me in. And she not understand what I talking about. I think that is also people who I surrounded by. Poisonous people are now gone and I becoming heal. They are like marketing tools, like television with commercials witch you hear constantly. You no need shit in your life. Only blessings. Only good people who not put you in down. Don’t make people treat like a shit yourself.

Social media is not for me

I follow up some entrepreneur who was very interesting at Facebook and I just get that enormous dopamine-hit. Why those are so addictive? This my site is not addictive and I don’t wan’t hook people and make them slaves. I hate doing so, and I never will. So I think, social media is coming down because it is so addictive, only what you need to do, is put on YouTube words like: social media addiction or Facebook addiction or etc and you will see that people hate social media.

I think the new trend is social, be connected IRL. Like meetings etc where similar minded people comes. And I think that girl with who I chatted online dating site was addicted social media. Lot of symptoms. But I don’t know. I am very depressed and very sad. Why she did that for me? Why she left me? What I did? Am I ugly?

I am grateful that I read book of The Intelligent Investor, there is couple of take-aways for you which helped me immediately, MR. Market is a bipolar, do not follow him, follow your own plan. And how this includes with this topic? I don’t really know. People get high on market curves, getting high. Now I don’t follow those, my dopamine-levels not rise and I can sleep well. I know what it is to be addict and you can get help with that book, The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham. It’s changed my life, I am now an investor, not a speculator. I studied all of her and she was a good woman, but maybe I wasn’t. I was not get high on her, I was like a chess-player, who sitting on her hands. There is a good poker book author called Dan Harrington, read all books of him and your game will go to the next level. It happens me. I read those Harrington on Hold’em series. And then I get laughs for that why I read, but why not? Warren Buffet said, “The more you learn, the more you earn” and hes partner Charlie Munger said something like that, he never met successful person who does not read. Hes book is in my reading list: Poor Charlie’s Almanack: The Wit and Wisdom of Charles T. Munger, Expanded Third Edition. It’s quite expensive, but maybe I invest in him wisdom. And I didn’t learn my English from school but I read a lot of books of English. And of course The Snowball is in my list too. There is so many books.. But I have share my quote for you, I am stupid that is why I need read and a lot. I read about 10000 pages how to treat woman by sexology and my exes all liked what I learned. I am now figuring out how to make money and I read and read… I am so fucken stupid.

My thoughts get off, I studied all of her like an investor and I found she was like a gold. Reading,listening Tai Lopez, etc.. And I give you quote form Anna Karenina which is the one book which I read to improving my English, it’s start: ““All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”. There is the recipe for success, and I think it is read, get mentor, do same-way how Tai Lopez did, or like Oprah, you learn lot of them by watching them on YouTube. Reading book like The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America’s Wealthy..

But yeah, I am poor as a shit but I try to figuring out how I will win the poverty. But reading is the one key, I think, and listening people like Tai Lopez. But I found, it’s just how that Anna Karenina quote goes, there is a pattern which exists. They are like the happy families… Their are alike.


I procrastinate! Which means I fear consciousness which my mind produce. Something which not true. If I put this page to the next level, I start to fear. And if try to contact to the mentor, I start to fear. If I go out, I start to fear.

And that Pillow Princess doesn’t contact me and I feel myself very depressed because I was so exited about her. I fantasized our future and everything, maybe picture of me was too much for her. Ugly creature who chase younger girls and who spotted her. I don’t know.

Dan Pena said one of him YouTube-videos that, “Just fucken do it!“. It is good advice. And also let it hurt you, taking bullets, like Scarface, or one of the motivational music, which is Scarface Sountrack – Push It to the Limit!

Dan Pena also write a book too, Your First 100 Million. He is very motivational, “Just fucken do it!”. I procrastinate to build a web-site and I listened him and I put also Push It to the Limit! on play. I will change that I will do it and start to make mistakes, fails, etc.. It’s true you need think think everything what you do like experiments. When I get sober, I made many mistakes when I start to drink, but I do not give up. You need start to make experiments.. And yeah, Just fucken do it!

And Tai Lopez said also why people not to fear the shitty life.. But yea, consciousness of your imagination, delusions etc.. Amygdala activate and it is not change since our ancestors when dinosaurs threat people in the forest.. You know what I mean. It’s activated and you get alert but “Just fucken do it”.

I am sad

I losted that Pillow Princess. She left me, doesn’t want to contact me via phone. I don’t know reason. I am also bald and hairy, but this was okay for her. I send also my pic for her and my phone number, and explained very carefully that why I don’t wanna be in Facebook. It’s literally stuck me in and make me slave very fast. I get addicted it fast and I don’t want that. Ironically is that I went Tai Lopez course about SMMA2.0 and I can highly recommended that for you. I learn a lot and I can do that but Facebook is too addictive for me.

I don’t know where she gone and why she not call. Am I ugly? Hard to say. But I did all what I can. Everything. And she has only call or text me. But it was now about two days and yeah I am very sad and depressed. I thinking that maybe it would be nice to go at bar, but I don’t really have interest someone else than she. But she not contact me, so everything is over. But I can hustle, read.. I found yesterday very good book, Heidi Grant Halvorson, Nine Things Successful People Do Differently. I can really recommended that for you. I purchased by Audible version. It was under four dollar. Lot of great stuff here. And another book which only under two dollar was, Managing Oneself (Harvard Business Review Classics) by Peter F. Drucker. And I just finishing him book called The Essential Drucker. Read, read and read, your brain adjust new skills and you get knowledge and your start seeing things, like book called Bounce by Matthew Syed, there is a part where he spoke when you get knowledge you start seeing things, and maybe you were called Wittgenstein’s lion term, “If the lion speak English, you will not understand the lion.”. You need understand deeply that lion, and speak him/her language. This is maybe the second reason or another reason why she not call me. People are sometimes very hard to understand my addiction about social media and get annoying of asking out or/and calling. Maybe we not understand each-other, the Facebook is not a good venue making relationships and that’s why I not hear her. But maybe I am so ugly, and that is the reason, or something worse. Or she say ignoring me that way, she not want go IRL with me.

I am going my second sex organ surgery. and bald and hairy.. It not sounds very sexy, to sell my self for lesbians. Hairy, bald, trans-gender-girl.. But when I went out people see me as a woman, or a very androgynous person. Okay, if I am honest, that androgynity makes people confused by me. Sometimes they think I am a man, and sometimes and I think very often they think I am a woman, but I don’t really know. I prefer that I look a like more androgynous that any gender. I want that people see me as a woman. Because I am. Lesbian woman, who loves women. That’s me. Bald woman and hairy and eat pussy. And love eat pussy.. Very much. People buy me, when I speak my passion to eat pussy. And when I speak who I am and what I am, people not get interest about me. Here is a golden nugget for you. That happens in dating-sites. When I put here my passion, I get responses, when I am not doing so, I get less. The second one is if I put here passion of nature, like nick name, trout or something else, it also works. Or I speak my passion of women and eating their pussies, I get more responses than I put there something what I am not so passionate.. Do what you love and show your love for everyone and people notice you. It is something what I want to do them, for her, and I love to do so.. People are selfish animals and they will love you when you seduce them.. Like a cat, you need to do her something nice and she will love you. You need show that you care them, not them money, if we speak in business way. Money is only value like time. Love each-others! We need love, care and we want put her the first! The customer is always right.. like my old mentor once said, when I worked him shop..


Yesterday I found that I am a social media addict ex-specially with Facebook, it just sunk me in. Now I have got hangover of Dopamine. That chemical acting mayor part of addictions. And I watched yesterday at YouTube this. I need use that Alcoholics Anonymous the first step, which is basically saying I have a problem. But in my philosophy Facebook is my enemy, which with I need to fight. I won my fight with booze, valium, nicotine. And this is piece of cake what I did when went war with alcoholism, and yeah, I need to say I won that motherfucker and then it was easy to beat a nicotine and a valium addictions. But now I feel FOMO because my Pillow Princess is there, she is also very addictive and releases many chemicals in my brain. But yesterday I found also that, Facebook is highly addictive and that nailed me in my bed. And that not cool. Why someone did not addictive social media? This is a business-idea for you and you can steal it. Go a head! Also my school idea is also free to use and it is not my idea, Tai Lopez do that in his web-site. and many entrepreneurs do it also. But they monetize them knowledge and why not. Money is value like time. And our ancestors doesn’t use any money and they not go to a college or an university or etc they learn by each-others.

Maybe you never heard about social-media-addiction. It is true! I am addictive nature and it happens me, I think quite easily. But you can get alcoholic only drinking alcohol and if you use social media, you can get addicted it also. My way is totally to go out which harms you.

I am now fucked-up and I miss her. But I want meet her, date her and see is there chemistry in IRL. I give her my phone number, she can ring, text me, if she like. But at now, I need relax and wait when my dopamine levels are normal again. Facebook is like a cocaine in addictive-way, so maybe tomorrow is better for me, and those dopamine-chemicals are in normal level. Fuck to Facebook! Fuck to Cancer! Fuck to Alcoholism! Fuck to Addiction!

You can use dopamine btw if you wanna learn something effectively. You can get high on books and the knowledge, a social media is not worth of it..

This is a great video about why you should avoid Facebook and there is lot of great free stuff in YouTube, and this is the great-one . I really hope she contact me on my phone, call or text and wanna go-out with me, it’s not up to me, it’s up to her. And there is quote which said, you no need chase something what God sent. If she wanna be with me, she will contact me, if she not, she not my girl.

I am totally fuck-up, got like hang-over-feeling.. I feel absolute terrible at now. Yeah the social-media is not for me. I just stuck in a bed and time just disappears. And when I deleted Facebook I am not a prisoner anymore. BTW that my site, there is no trackers yet, and I don’t really want people get hooked-up with my content in forced way, you know. I just wanna you just fall love on my entities. Not forced to stay, not hook you. There is some-kind tracker(I didn’t put it in here, Ghostery -Chrome add-on said so… But yeah 0 trackers; no fucking cookies etc.. You are like my Pillow Princess, girl who I have a rush. I try to treat You same way at here. You are more like a gold, you are my customer. You are my woman or man or something between; be yourself, what you are, no matter your gender, skin-color.. We are all humans. ) what measure me for that blog. So you are absolute safe here! I wanna make you stay here if you want, not make you addict, because I know that ruins peoples life and I don’t want to do that for you. I really hope she contact me, but if not, she not for me.. It is now her turn..

Yeah, you can steal my ideas, like Picasso said, the good artist copy, but the great artist steal. Treat the Customer same-way as I treat my Pillow Princess. This idea is free to use.. I don’t wanna be an ex-wife, an ex-girl-friend anymore.. I wanna generate a long-term loving relationships between you and me.

I am like Robin Hood, I share my riches for poor-people like me.. And this is the way how I learn, so why not.. You get something when you give something. I would be very happy if I save your life. You are the one, you are my customer. We fight together against the poverty and it will die!!!

So if you have a problem with social media, you are not alone and if you have drinking problem, just read this.

And if you are a homo-phobic or a trans-phobic or fucking racist this stuff is not for you. I hate these kind people, like Tony Montana says, I bury those  cockroaches! Fuck you, you homo-phobic, trans-phobic, a racist! Fuck’em all! I bury those cockroaches!

Read this book

Really recommended that for you Bounce by Matthew Syed. Best take a way is the is no the talent, you can be everything what you want, if you do hard work..


Yeah, it’s been while than when I wrote. I told maybe my rush on The Pillow Princess, and now there is very bad situation, I gave her my picture; yeah, I know I am transgender person, post-op woman. I am very androgynous and this is often problem for me and others. They didn’t recognize my sex, a gender is more complex in a biology-means and my personal feelings: I don’t feel that I am not exist, or something like that because I don’t have gender which I can fit completely. I don’t have the inner peace, I am stranger. I’ve got very strong female side inside me, but now when I am female, I feel okay but my gender is in middle. And I feel better if I don’t think which I am, man or female, man, woman.. Or something like that.. At now, I was chatting with lesbian girl, and I feel hell inside me, pass I or not, like her my picture or not, am I too manly or not attractive or I am ugly or something like that. There is past of my history which I found that I have got lesbian girl friend and they was all was lesbians but I scare now because this girl feels everything for me. In the first time my life I am falling in love without seeing person. I saw her at the first time on last weekend, on her Facebook. She was super beautiful, super hot, super attractive young woman.

It is not easy to market something which is very different, and I think I am getting clue what marketing is when I think my self, I told my background, that I am trans, but there is lot of value what I can give, I often start fantasizing eating pussy and I always which is true I was studied my own lot of sexology. and I also the package include my “training” with my exes, and the positive feedbacks. I try always generate the package is so attractive that I am impossible denied with my background, and also I am fit. I try to sell myself for girls. It’s very hard, “How about hairy trans?” and ask that for lesbian. I try innovate myself for the market. Be alternative, “Yeah, I know I have my past, and I am not cis-girl. BUT IF you choose me you get very well educated sexologist who is specialized to please women completely. Also there is now the BONUS, I am fit and last longer. And of course there is a very trained tongue in the past relationships and you can train it also in the great shape cos I am enthusiast of cunnilingus, you can develop me. BUT it is super hard to marketing if you are in margin. Like I read now Peter Drucker, The Essential Drucker, you need generate a customer, and make a customer based business, I think I do business with myself and I marketing my product my tongue and myself; I am not exactly what you want, BUT if you choose me, I will guarantee. that I will give this and this… Over-promise, storytelling.. I even did blog which was also my way get the perfect woman, and found my ex-wife, I told myself, and my road to rough male to female process. And yeah, I self-promoted also myself and I tried found the right woman – but she was not cos we divorced.. But yeah, at know there is the right woman, I think. If that picture of mine is ok for her. I also over-promise, storytelling for her.. I lost her in dating site and I feel pain which is something what I never felt, I put my finger cross, and I asked God to help me find her, and I found her.. I wanna believe that the God gives her to me. I am not believer but I really miss her when I first ask her to leave, and I left also at dating site, and when I found she not there, my heart broke totally and I asked help for God. I went in Facebook and I went trough all that name girls and I found her, and I think that was the miracle. But yeah now here is my picture comes to her, and I don’t know, it is possible that super hot lesbian girl choose me. I feel pain again. And yeah, I think also she is the product what I want also, also the customer. The product cos I want her and I feel real pain live without her. I wanna buy she all the time. I buy her with my time. Similar like money, but there is saying which comes like this, which you share you time for zero money, you value it most. Time is most important human value, which is more important than any money.

And the customer by that means, I need threat her that way that I don’t lost her. That she stay with me, not leave me. If I can keep her with me and treat which way she deserved and if I treat the customer in my business same way I treat her, I think I will do well in business. In my former life about 20 years a go there is the businessman who said me “The customer is always right.”. And now I read Peter Ducker, “The Essential Drucker” book, you need do your business for the customer, you need generate a customer. “The customer is always right!”.